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How to Create a Healthy Family Culture

marriage parenting May 27, 2022

Have you ever thought long and hard about what values are important to you and your family? What are the guiding principles, priorities, or qualities that you use to define or shape your marriage and family?

Our values not only drive our priorities and decisions, but they also shape the culture of our marriage and family relationships. The culture of our home is either by design or by default. 

Chances are your beliefs and perspective toward how you see things in life were shaped and influenced by your parents, or lack thereof, growing up as a child. Whether your parents' influence on your upbringing was positive or negative, it's essential to learn from both the good and the bad to determine what is most important to you.  

What will be the non-negotiables that will define and shape your life, marriage, and family? Whatever you decide for them to be is what will set your marriage and family apart. 

So, how do you determine your core values or the things that are most important to you as a family? 

1. Determine the Source of your Beliefs.  

Why is this so important? Because our beliefs determine our behavior. What you believe determines how you live. The question is who or what are you allowing to influence and shape your views? Is it culture, friends, your parents? In Florida, where we live, we know firsthand the damage a category 4 or 5 hurricane can have not just on a home, but on an entire city. We've seen it with our own eyes. Often, the only thing that is left after a catastrophic hurricane is the foundation of the house. What will serve as the foundation of your beliefs that will withstand the storms of life?

2. Determine the Values that Matter Most.  

For example, honesty, integrity, patience, generosity, kindness, etc. are the type of virtues or values that serve as the guidelines and guardrails for the decisions we make. They impact our attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors within our marriage and family. Take time to think about the values you and your family want to live by and be known for. Write them out or you can even frame them and put them on your wall! Keep them in front of your family and commit to keeping those values at the forefront of your family's decisions. 

3. Create a Family-Driven Culture. 

Culture is often hard to define, but it's easy to see when you experience it. Culture is usually made up of many "intangible" qualities that set a group of people, a company, or a society apart from others. Chick -fil- A, Apple, and Disney are all brands that have created a unique "feel" or "culture" that serves as their "secret sauce" to how they deliver their service or product. It sets them apart from all other brands. Our family culture should be no different. It's easy to spot a couple that seems to have a close, healthy, and thriving marriage. It's also easy to spot a family that appears to have a loving, close-knit relationship with each other. What is their "secret sauce?" Usually, you will find that they have a "code" of beliefs and values that they have embraced and are committed to living out.  

Remember, we must first be the "vibe" we want to be around. Our stated values aren't as important as the values we live out. As we learn to identify the values that are important to ourselves and our families, we can commit to living in alignment with those values each day. Over time, our family culture will begin to grow healthier as we live with greater intention and purpose in our most important relationships. 

Rodney and Michelle Gage are the founders of ReThink Life Church and The Winning Family. For over 30 years, they have devoted their lives to helping people win at home and in life.

One of the ways that Rodney & Michelle support families is through monthly mentoring where they provide live mentorship and Q & A to couples and parents. You can sign up today for a free trial of The Double Win Club and receive a free copy of Rodney's new book, The Double Win.

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