LEADERSHIP IS TAKING PEOPLE WHERE THEY NEED TO GO NOT WHERE THEY WANT TO GO. 

That is why I believe parenting is one of the most leadership intensive responsibilities we face in life.  

When it comes to raising children, we must do all we can to prepare our children for success.  

If we leave it up to our children to decide on their own what is best, they may end up making decisions based upon what they want to do not necessarily what they need to do.  

For example, if I ask my child to finish her homework or chores around the house before she watches television or goes out with her friends, her impulsive response might be to avoid or procrastinate on fulfilling those responsibilities in order to experience the instant gratification of watching TV or hanging out with her friends. 

That is an example of doing what she wants to do, not necessarily what she needs to do. 

Therefore, a clear set of rewards and consequences must be established in the home to help our children understand the value of good choices.  

Below is a suggested list of guidelines for setting up rewards and consequences when our children are given choices.  The choices we give our kids need to be:

1. Clear.  We need to communicate what we expect their behavior to be and what the rewards and punishments will be if they fail to comply.  This needs to be communicated before the punishment is applied.

2. Attainable.  Tailor the requirements so your child can meet them.  If they are too difficult, we cause more tension with accusations; if they are too easy, we fail to accomplish our goal of developing responsibility.

3. Consistent.  I’ve talked to some teenagers who said they had to guess what their parents wanted from them from day to day.  That’s not helpful, and it destroys trust.  Don’t change the requirements without talking about it first with your child and your spouse too (if married).  

4. Agreed upon.  Each person needs to understand clearly the requirements and the outcome of compliance or noncompliance.  Your child doesn’t have to like it, but he needs to agree to abide by it.  

5. Expandable.  In some cases the requirements can be changed if your child meets certain criteria.  For example, if your teenager makes certain grades, he may receive certain privileges with the car, and if he makes higher grades, he can have the car for more time.  

6. Enforceable.  A consequence is no good at all if it is not enforceable.  For that reason, attitudes are usually not the kind of thing that consequences relate to.  Actions are best.  They are identifiable, measurable, and enforceable.   

As we seek to provide the necessary support and instruction to raising our children hopefully, these tips will help steer our children to making wise choices in life. 

You Family Mentors,

Rodney & Michelle Gage