How To Get On The Same Page In Your Marriage

I have always been fascinated by watching the teamwork of rowing.  At first glance, it doesn’t look all that impressive watching 8 people sitting on their “rears” going backward.  However, the alignment, synchrony, and precision of all eight blades hitting the water at the exact same time flawlessly is pretty impressive as they glide across the water.  It’s the perfect example of the acronym T.E.A.M. (Together Everyone Achieves More.)

Imagine if we could get that same alignment, teamwork, and synergy in our marriage relationship or with our family as a whole? Unfortunately, for many couples what started out as the “ideal,” turns into an “ordeal” simply because they have a difficult time seeing eye to eye and getting on the same page with the little things. These little disagreements (misalignment) can quickly escalate into becoming big issues that divide and derail marriages.     

Whether it's agreeing on who is going to clean the house, how to discipline the kids, handle the finances, set boundaries with the in-laws or who helps the kids with their homework, etc, the list is endless when it comes to dividing and conquering the many roles and responsibilities within the marriage relationship.  

There are several factors that shape our attitudes, perspective, and expectations that can cause couples to feel like they are on two completely different pages or rowing in opposite directions.   

1.) Who did what in your home growing up.  

It’s easy to transfer those same expectations in our own marriage. 

2.) What popular culture portrays through TV, movies and social media. 

In today's ever-changing world, emerging trends within today's culture are redefining who does what and how things get done.    

3.) Our friends

It’s easy to compare and expect our spouse to do more of what our friends do and how they do it.   

While there can be many “good things” or “best practices” we can learn from all the above that benefits our marriage relationship, it is still important to discuss openly how you will agree to work together as a team in your marriage and home.  

The question is, “how does a couple get on the same page?” I want to share a few ways I've learned really help couples get on the same page and stay there! It takes time, but by following these three steps you can begin to have more alignment in your marriage relationship.

1. Think Who Before Do.

At some point, a couple needs to decide this is how “we” want to do things.  Make a list of things that are important to you.  Title it, “This is what is important to us” or “This is who we want to become” as a couple or family.  Knowing what is important to each of you individually will help you decide how to integrate your values collectively as a couple and family to ensure you get on the same page.   

2. Remember we is greater than me.

It’s not about “me.”  It’s about “us.” It’s about serving one another and putting the needs of your spouse before your own.  This is called “sacrificial love.” The more we are willing to serve each other and do what is ultimately best for the marriage and family, the faster you will move from where you are to where you desire to be as a couple. 

3. Agree to Disagree

Because everyone is wired differently, comes from different backgrounds, and sees things from their own unique perspective, we will always have differing opinions as to who does what or how things should be done.  However, when you think “who before do” and embrace the belief that “we is greater than me,” it gives room to disagree on some things without it destroying your marriage because you are determined to not let anything stand in your way of “who” you are striving to become as a couple.  

It’s also important to allow each spouse to do what they do best and support and affirm each other’s strengths.  Knowing and understanding each others strengths, weakness, personalities, goals, and dreams will allow you to fight for your marriage and fight for each other because you have agreed upon who you want to become and the destination of where you want to go in your marriage and family. 

As the old saying goes, it takes teamwork to make the dream work.